Some of the shackles that come from not forgiving those that may have abused you are; it becomes difficult and in some cases seemingly impossible to:
- Trust
- Love
- Open up - (Intimacy)
- Believe in God's love
- Believe your own worth
- Have self confidence
- Forgive self or others
"Dr. Sidney Simon, a recognized authority on values realization, has provided an excellent definition of forgiveness as it applies to human relationships: 'Forgiveness is freeing up and putting to better use the energy once consumed by holding grudges, harboring resentments, and nursing unhealed wounds. It is rediscovering the strengths we always had and relocating our limitless capacity to understand and accept other people and ourselves.'
Most of us need time to work through pain and loss. We can find all manner of reasons for postponing forgiveness. One of these reasons is waiting for the wrongdoers to repent before we forgive them. Yet such a delay causes us to forfeit the peace and happiness that could be ours. The folly of rehashing long-past hurts does not bring happiness.
Some hold grudges for a lifetime, unaware that courageously forgiving those who have wronged us is wholesome and therapeutic.
Forgiveness comes more readily when we have faith in God and trust in His word. Such faith 'enables people to withstand the worst of humanity. It also enables people to look beyond themselves. More importantly, it enables them to forgive.'
If we can find forgiveness in our hearts for those who have caused us hurt and injury, we will rise to a higher level of self-esteem and well-being. Some recent studies show that people who are taught to forgive become 'less angry, more hopeful, less depressed, less anxious and less stressed, ' which leads to greater physical well-being. Another of these studies concludes 'that forgiveness...is a liberating gift [that] people can give to themselves.'
In our day the Lord has admonished us, 'Ye ought to forgive one another,' and then makes it requisite when He says, ' I the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men.'" - James E. Faust
"The spirit must be freed from tethers so strong and feelings never put to rest, so that the lift of life may give buoyancy to the soul. In many families, there are hurt feelings and a reluctance to forgive. It doesn't really matter what the issue was. It cannot and should not be left to injure. Blame keeps wounds open. Only forgiveness heals. George Herbert, and early 17th century poet, wrote these lines: 'He that cannot forgive others breaks the bridge over which he himself must pass if he would ever reach heaven, for everyone has need of forgiveness.'
Beautiful are the words of the Savior as He was about to die upon the cruel cross. Said He, 'Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do.'
There are some who have difficulty forgiving themselves and who dwell on all of their perceived shortcomings. I quite like the account of a religious leader who went to the side of a woman who lay dying, attempting to comfort her-but to no avail. 'I am lost,' she said. I have ruined my life and every life around me. There is no hope for me.'
The man noticed a framed picture of a lovely girl on the dresser. 'Who is this?' he asked. The woman brightened. 'She is my daughter, the one beautiful thing in my life.'
'And would you help her if she were in trouble or had made a mistake? Would you forgive her? Would you still love her?'
'Of course I would!' cried the woman. 'I would do anything for her. Why do you ask such a question?'
'Because I want you to know, ' said the man, 'that figuratively speaking, Heavenly Father has a picture of you on His dressser. He loves you and will help you. Call upon Him.'
In a day of danger or a time of trial such knowledge, such hope, such understanding will bring comfort to the troubled mind and grieving heart.
Sometimes we can take offense so easily. On other occasions we are too stubborn to accept a sincere apology. Who will subordinate ego, pride, and hurt-then step forward with, 'I am truly sorry! Let's be as we once were: friends. Let's not pass to future generations the grievances, the anger of our time. ' Lets remove any hidden wedges that can do nothing but destroy.
Where do hidden wedges originate? Some come from unresolved disputes, which lead to ill feelings, followed by remorse and regret. Others find their beginnings in disappointments, jealousies, arguments, and imagined hurts. We must solve them-lay them to rest and not leave them to canker, fester, and ultimately destroy." - Thomas S. Monson
"Avoid Bitterness
Guy de Maupassant, the French writer, tells the story of a peasant named Hauchecome who came on market day to the village. While walking through the public square, his eye caught sight of a piece of string lying on the cobblestones. He picked it up and put it in his pocket. His actions were observed by the village harness maker, with whom he had previously had a dispute.
Later in the day the loss of a purse was reported. Hauchecome was arrested on the accusation of the harness maker. He was taken before the mayor, to whom he protested his innocence, showing the piece of string that he had picked up. But he was not believed and was laughed at.
The next day the purse was found, and Hauchecome was absolved of any wrongdoing. But, resentful of the indignity he had suffered because of a false accusation, he became embittered and would not let the matter die. Unwilling to forgive and forget, he thought and talked about little else. He neglected his farm. Everywhere he went, everyone he met had to be told of the injustice. By day and by night he brooded over it. Obsessed with his grievance, he became desperately ill and died. In the delirium of his death struggles, he repeatedly murmured, 'A piece of string, a piece of string.' (The Works of Guy de Maupassant, Roslyn, New York: Black's Reader Service, n.d., pp. 34-38)
With variation of characters and circumstances, that story could be repeated many times in our own day. How difficult it is for any of us to forgice those who have injured us. We are all prone to brood on the evil done us. That brooding becomes as a gnawing and destructive canker. Is there a virtue more in need of application in our time than the virtue of forgiving and forgetting? There are those who would look upon this as a sign of weakness. Is it? I submit that is takes neither strength nor intelligence to brood in anger over wrongs suffered, to go through life with a spirit of vindictiveness, to dissipate one's abilities in planning retribution. There is no peace in the nursing of a grudge. There is no happiness in living for the day when you can 'get even.'
Paul speaks of, 'the weak and beggardly elements' of our lives. (See Gal. 4:9) Is there anything more weak or beggardly than the disposition to wear out one's life in an unending round of bitter thoughts and scheming gestures toward those who may have affronted us?" - Gordon B. Hinckley
Are we really so presumptuous to believe ourselves to be Gods or capable to dictate to God how things should be. Are we so arrogant to think we know what is best for the betterment of all? God says vengeance is mine, and he is qualified to dispence having all knowledge. Forgiveness is a shield and a protection. It puts God in the judgement seat and lets us continue our journey with all our faculties unrestricted or burdened. Would we partake in the follies of our brethren to see them attain salvation? Then why do we complain? No unrepentant action will go unattended to God has spoken to that end. Then is it not wisdom to meet life and our fellows with patience and forgiveness? In the final judgement, if God is truly a just God can we not expect not only for the unrepentant to get their just reward but also can we not expect our own reward for suffering the unjust for His great cause, "To bring to pass the immortality, and eternal life of mankind"? I can not see any other course and God still hold to be a just and true God. If at the very least, knowing my own follies, and seeking mercy where justice is warranted, is it not requisite that I impart mercy, forgiveness, and patience with all, and in such a manner lay claim upon God's mercy and forgiveness in that final judgement day? I think so. Forgiveness seems the wise course.
"Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbor, and hate thine enemy. But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you" (Math. 5:38-44)
Does forgiveness not fall in line with that line of behavior?
Those are very strong words. They are words of the Lord Himself. They apply to each of us.
The question becomes; will we heed them, forsake our natural carnal inclinations, and reach the rewards accompany to a better way?
"Bind Up...Wounds
Are not the words of Abraham Lincoln beautiful which he spoke out of the tragedy of a terrible civil war: 'With malice toward none, with charity for all, ... let us ... bind up the ... wounds.' (In John Bartlett, Familiar Quotations, Boston: Little, Brown & Co., 1968, p. 640.)
Let us bind up the wounds-oh, the many wounds that have been caused by cutting words, by stubbornly cultivated grievances, by scheming plans to 'get even' with those who may have wronged us. We all have a little of this spirit of revenge in us. Fortunately, we all have the power to rise above it, if we will 'clothe [ourselves] with the bond of charity, as with a mantle, which is the bond of perfectness and peace.' (D&C 88:125)'To err is human, to forgive divine.' (Alexander Pope, An Essay on Criticism, 2:1711.) There is no peace in reflecting on the pain of old wounds. There is peace only in repentance and forgiveness. This is the sweet peace of the Christ, who said, 'blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.'" (Matt. 5:9) - Gordon B. Hinckley
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Jeffrey R. Holland How Do I Love Thee? February 15, 2000 BYU Broadcasting
