Through the keyhole of physical affection spans the labyrinth of emotions. Feelings, often bubbling within, which rise to expose themselves, making outward behavioral manifestations amidst the realm of perceptible reality. Emotions are powerful. They are movements of inner sensations often orchestrated without immediate cognitive awareness. Feelings often move us.
Marketers know this, that is why they spend billions on advertising. Overall, commercials are predominantly designed to evoke feelings. Positive feelings associated to a product means a longer shelf life in the memory of the consumer and a likelihood of them buying. One of the strongest feelings in people, besides the drive of self preservation, are the emotions associated with sexual arousal. The advertising business knows this. Sex sells. Don't believe me? Turn on the TV and in 30 minutes count how many commercials have sexy models promoting something that isn't sexy. Want conclusive proof? Change the channel to MTV or VH1. Notice how many music videos are geared to attract and enslave teenagers. Teenagers - you know, children either entering, passing through, or having passed through the puberty dimension. You know the time where physical maturation opens the door to new sensate drives associated with reproduction. Targeting young people, inexperienced with their new world of feelings and not having had the time to fully understand and thereby responsibly reign in these impulses, notice how many music videos have gyrating scantily clad women or full on unabashed lyrical or acted out explicit sexual innuendo.
Many unscrupulous people would enslave young adults to their natural feelings. This they dastardly do so that they can line their own pockets. Its harder to snag more experienced adults. Most adults have learned that feelings with effort can be controlled. Most adults have come to understand that it isn't prudent nor safe to always allow all feelings a clear path to expression. Over time, mature individuals have learned that feelings have roots. They stem from desires that are as substantial as cognitive thoughts. They have learned that they can explore and eventual track their emotions back to their roots. They have also learned that feelings can be short circuited by concentrated thoughts, and attendant behavior.
Emotions in and of themselves are not bad. They are a type of fuel to quickly respond to the outside world and drive our beings in a direction. It matters very much what that direction is. The drive for physical intimacy is not bad. The feeling of wanting to be loved, or to love, is not bad. But like all things, even good things can be misused, misunderstood, or purposely abused, so that they bring trouble, pain, and loss. Take for instance - a kiss.
A kiss has a dual nature. It is a behavior of expression and a behavior of sensation. Though every kiss is enacted using the same means, the reasons behind the endeavor makes every kiss different. Likewise, the interpretation of receiving a kiss, determines the meaning, enjoyment, or repulsion, of such an act.
How many of us are so shallow as to enjoy being lied to, whether by someone else or ourselves? How many of us are so needy and self destructive that we would bring harm upon ourselves just to have any type of attention? How many of us would willfully put ourselves in a path that might bring us nothing good?
Intents can be discerned! Kisses, kiss and tell. A kiss of affection is not a kiss of lust. A kiss of affection means to give the pleasurable sensation and experience to demonstrate appreciation, acceptance, gratitude, commitment, and on and on. It is an act that is not for self. It is a form of expression, a form of communicating feelings more than words can do justice, for the intent and express benefit of the target individual. It is true it is pleasurable for the giver, but the act is not done for the giver.
Contrast that with the kiss of lust. The kiss of lust kisses to take. A kiss for themselves, for their pleasure, for their purposes, vanity, ego, prestige, and on and on. A kiss of lust is founded in pride. A kiss of lust doesn't take into consideration the ramification of the act upon the other individual. The kiss of lust doesn't care about the attachment that might develop and be disappointed because there is no concern to match the expression. The kiss of lust shares no equality of value with their partner. They are more important. Pride is a spectrum. A kiss of lust is just as much for a demonstration of superiority over others as much as an attempt to incorrectly and unproductively escape from feelings of worthlessness, sadness, loneliness, self pity, and on and on.
A kiss of lust is hollow. It is a fleeting pleasure never capable of longevity. It is shallow and dies fast with heightened manipulation tactics and eventual contention as relationships pushing skyward to grand vistas, crumble to the earth without the foundations of trust, respect, and sincere affection. In the midst of the rubble breeds damaged feelings of self. Self worth springs leaks of realization that it has been cheapened. The brave, those who don't sear their feelings into numbness, allow the experience to teach them a valuable lesson and look to rebuild on sure foundations. Those that are not brave, sear their inner feelings and stubbornly push forward, intent on the outer feelings, pursuing the same course again, but in more elaborate forms, and eventual greater damage.
Deny the kisses of lust. Accept only the kisses of genuine affection. People of beauty, beauty fades, kisses based in beauty are not kisses of affection, they are kisses of lust and eventually the kisses will cease. Kisses of affection center on the beauty of the inner person, that person doesn't fade over time. Kisses of character are the most pleasurable. Kisses of lust cheapen a persons worth relegating them as an object - a thing to be manipulated and regarded only so long as it provides what is wanted - people are not objects. People have feelings that are real and important and that deserve honesty and concern. People and their feelings are valuable.
For those that struggle at times with viewing their true worth and value, do not heap upon yourselves burdens that keep the distorted perception alive. Show yourself proof that you are of greater value. Accept nothing that is phony, fake, or not real. How can an individual know you after one meeting? What appreciation and affection can they have for you after relating through two hours of a movie or anything else of meager opportunity for other-person personal discovery? How can an individual know the depth of your character, talents, feelings, desires, interests, hopes, and dreams - in essence the important things that make you, you - in a couple of hours? Physical intimacy, even that of a kiss must reflect the intimacies of a person's heart and mind. What intimacies of personality can a stranger discover in confidence after a first meeting and warrant a physical expression? The drive to lock lips in these situations most often is lust. Levity and fun is no more understanding and relating than an audience at a rock concert is a family. Basic human interaction also shows that when strangers meet either defense behaviors go up, agreeable behavior supersedes honest feelings, or some mixture of the two until some level of trust is developed so that individuals begin losing their inhibitions and demonstrating more of who they really are. With so many shoots of weeds among the few shoots of flowers pushing through the soil, how can one distinguish one from the other, without more time? Hormonal instigation will not remind you in a disagreement the appreciation of past physical gratification, however a relationship built on knowing an individual provides greater patience and understanding and a pathway to a healthy way of dealing with the situation. Hormonal instigation will not evidence to your sight reasons of trust in times of uncertainty, however a clear understanding of a persons nature will dispel unnecessary fears.
If anything, kisses of lust breed insecurities in individuals because the self interested individual has already shown their true colors. Their character has been exposed, and that proof has been logged into the other person's memory. You can trust a selfish person to be selfish more than you would suspect them to be self less. What security do you have in a person that always jumps at an opportunity to take advantage of something or someone they find attractive, wealthy, intelligent or in any sense gratifying to their senses? A person desiring an individual, or in a relationship with such an individual, would live in a mind full of fear and lack of personal value. They would always have to supply the interests that attract the selfish individual back to them, and their constant quest would always convince them that they are not enough, they would never feel valuable as they are, for who they are.
Now contrast that with a relationship based on kisses that have meaning, established in mutual feelings of appreciation, concern, respect, and feelings seeking expressions of wanting the best for the other person. Kisses of appreciation celebrate the individual thus creating feelings of acceptance and value. The value is based in the relationship and feeds the expressions of value, not the other way around as is the philosophical underpinnings of the lustful kiss. Kisses of lust base relationships on expressions of the value of physical gratification. A doomed cycle. Kisses of appreciation are liberating, and provide reminders of qualities that sustain the everyday ongoing interactions within the relationship. Kisses of lust sustain a contractual, marketplace mentality, the lustful kisser suffers personally discordant personality and relationship issues so long as the physical gratification is still stimulating and the disagreeable behavior is manageable. Kisses of lust bring a sense of ownership, much like a person owns a commodity. Kisses of affection celebrate the autonomy of the individual and reflect an appreciation of who they choose to be and how they bless the kisser's life.
In truth the path of lustful kisses is strewn with heartache, deception, and pain. Eventually, enough lustful kisses lead to dead end relationships and hearts heavy with scars. Seek out the good kiss. Root out the motives, your own and that of others. Respect your own value and that of others. Be controlled by no unrestrained passion. Capture only the kiss that celebrates sincerity of personal value and that has significant meaning.
Seek out the affectionate kiss. Long after the kiss is over, its affection remains.
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